#write31days | October 7th

There's an old Jessica Simpson song, "With You" that talks about being real me; Levi's, t-shirt, hair down that I can relate to. I love come-as-you are casual breakfast out on the weekends and recently laughing with some friends because the difference for me between breakfast and brunch is makeup.

There is something about the vulnerability of being able to meet up with those who matter most to you and come really as you are.

A vulnerability that we often mask in dating when we put our best selves forward and never really peel back the layers. Maybe because we're scared someone will run if they see the "real me", whatever that means for you, without makeup or exposed heart and story.

Know this: if they run, they aren't right for you. 

In any relationship that has any depth to last any amount of years, there has to be vulnerability for there to be real connection. This applies in our best and dearest of friends and in any dating relationship, because hopefully that person is a friend who becomes a best friend and the dearest one to your heart.

That will never happen without vulnerability. 

This can be a little risky, to know when to open up or when is right to tell your "story", but really, get it out there. Because if it matters to you and is who you are, they should begin to know the real you.

Remember this: if they run, they aren't right for you. 

So, whatever it is for you, going on a date without makeup on one day, or finally feeling courageous enough to talk about something you've feared bringing up. Because if they are the one for you or for me, once married they will wake up next to us for the rest of our lives and our makeup isn't always going to be on and we have to have the hard conversations, avoiding them will only drive a deep wedge in the relationship.

Believe this: if they run, they aren't right for you. 

Since it's Friday night, often if you're S I N G L E you can feel alone on the weekend. I've definitely felt like that in seasons, that "everyone else is with someone, except me".  But, tonight if I was currently dating someone these are the things I would have to talk about... 

not doing as well as I wanted to on a final exam for my class, feel a little defeated 

feeling burdened for a friend who's wife is in her final days in hospice care 

the fact that a headache has lingered with me for a couple of days

that I am pretty tired from this week that included several late nights 

that I don't want to get dressed to go out anywhere

that someone is a frustrating leader and it bothers me

feeling like I'm trying to balance a lot of things 

None of which is bright and cheery and well put together. But, all of which is real and what is going on in my life and those in my circle and affects me right now. Tomorrow is a new day and with a good night's sleep a couple of those won't seem nearly as significant, but today that is what's going on. 

Believe me, I know, if any of that would make someone run tonight, I know the real me doesn't need them. Even when realizing that what you (or I) thought was really good isn't, it's hard to take, and makes you (& me) feel like needing emotional support is wrong. It is not wrong. 

You (I) deserve the real you (me) to be loved well.

Whether you're all put together or feeling like tears might brim over because life is hard right now. 

If it is hard and you do feel alone, my encouragement to you is this... 

pray. 

I know that can seem cliche. 

But, I can promise, God knows the real you better than anyone else ever will. 

He will never run. 

and, you will need Him, even when you find the one. 

Today looks much like this night, except I haven't cried today.
From FB in 2014 after attending the funeral for one of my besties father:
"Real life....headache, glasses on, makeup off, hair in a bun, cried today, weary but full heart...love your people, live your life now, you may have later and you may not."

Never apologize for the real you. 

If you're just joining in from #write31days, I'm so glad you're here!

You can {click here} to read previous posts.

#write31days | October 6th

Just go for the free meal! 

I can't even begin to count how many times I've heard that little phrase; either directly to me or in conversations in regards to going on dates with those you have no intentions of beyond a free meal.

I love the table, conversation at the table, lingering at the table, great food at the table, all of it, it's one of my very favorite places.

One time on a date, we had eaten what I thought was a nice dinner, and parting words to me were about wanting to "wow me and take me to" (insert the name of some steak house type place here because I can't remember where he even said) and I instantly thought "no". Because I knew that wouldn't wow me and also that I didn't have a future interest in him.

Sidenote: if you have the right personality I can be wow'd at Whataburger. (If you're not from Texas and reading, I'm sorry you don't have Whataburger.) And, I've had some fun dates that included Whataburger and other various fast food or hole in the wall, dive places. :)

Before you think I'm a brat and unappreciative, know this: I do love nice dinners and I do love being treated to dinner and I do love being treated to nice dinner sometimes. But, that is not how I am wow'd. I love nice dinner to celebrate and mark an occasion because there's significance there at the table.

Significance that didn't just come from walking into the restaurant with a near stranger and sitting down to steaks and wine.

Instead, significance that comes from time spent in the every day and the mundane and the good and the hard and the fun and the not-so-fun and now there is a reason to sit down to steaks and wine (or iced tea) and toast to celebrate with who has become significant to me.

Again, it's a choice when you're S I N G L E, to choose to say yes just for the free meal, or to say no because really, there's no intentions beyond a free meal. For me, saying "no" is the better choice because I don't want someone using me, so I won't use them. I don't want someone leading me on, so I won't lead them on.

And, maybe I've missed out on someone. 

And, maybe I've been protected too. 

And, maybe I seem like I don't take risks. 

And, maybe I've been the receiver of the no-intentions.

And, maybe I've been on enough blind dates to know when it's right for me to say "yes". 

And, maybe none of this is the case for you if you're S I N G L E. 

And, maybe the table doesn't hold significance for you. 

But somewhere/something else does.

No matter what it is, our "yes" should count.

From what seems simple like eating dinner to what is significant and worth committing to, 

when we're S I N G L E and when we're not-S I N G L E!

And, remember, nothing is really "free"!

How amazing does that pumpkin ravioli look?
Featured at Coltivare, Houston.
So, if there's a meal worth saying "yes" to, here's an idea for a great meal!
Photo cred: agricolehtx on Instagram
(I have nothing to do with Agricole or Coltivare, except that I love their food and restaurants!)

If you're just joining in from #write31days, I'm so glad you're here!

You can {click here} to read previous posts.

#write31days | October 5th

A few weeks ago I went to a dinner for volunteers at my church and was heading home around 9:30pm.  As I was driving a warning light for low tire pressure came on, so of course, what to do started running through my head.

...stop somewhere and check the tire air pressure
...go home and check the tire pressure, then decide
...go home and wait until morning and pray it wasn't flat
...I wish there was someone who could take care of these things for me

It's not often I have that last thought, but at night, by myself and a car issue, I wish there was a someone and that I wasn't S I N G L E. Someone that was mine, who helped me in these types of scenarios and makes sure I was safe.

But, back to reality. 

I had out of town plans for Saturday and was planning to leave pretty early, and I didn't want to get up with a flat tire on my car in my garage.

So, I decided to stop. 

And, I prayed. 

Not because I think things like this are to be hyper-spiritual, but because I believe God knows that I don't like being by myself at night and dealing with a car issue. So, why wouldn't I pray?

Ask for help, Angie, you don't have to do this alone. 

Who's going to help me?

Ask for help, Angie, you don't have to do this alone. 

As I pulled into the gas station, one that holds a memory or 2 for me from a guy I dated, I looked around, by this time, it's getting closer to 10 pm and there's also a group of people loitering around.

Ask for help, Angie, you don't have to do this alone. 

So, I turned in to the gas pumps, parked close to the door, got my tire gauge out (thank you to my Dad for teaching me how to do these things, so if I am alone I am not helpless) and checked the tire air pressure.  I knew according to my OnStar reports it needed to be 32 or 33, and it wasn't. It was low, like in the 20's low, 1/3 less than what that tire needed.

It needs air.

The air machine is in the corner of the parking lot and how I needed to park my car blocks me from anyone really being able to see me.

Ask for help, Angie, you don't have to do this alone. 

So, I did it.  I asked for help. I went inside, got quarters for my dollar, and asked the attendant if he would keep an eye on the air machine as I needed to air up a tire. And, called home so someone knew where I was, even though they were 80 miles away. :)

As I was getting the air started and trying to check if I'd gotten enough in my tire I looked up and there stood the attendant.

"I was just coming out to make sure you were ok."

Thank you, I'm not sure I'm getting air in my tire, could you help me. 

I did it, I asked for help. 

And, within 2 minutes I was back on the road and headed home. 

Of course, this whole scenario has my mind racing, and praying/talking...Lord, these are the times I would really like to NOT be S I N G L E. But, thank you for protecting me on the road for the hundreds of thousands of miles I have driven in my years. And, thank you for all of the people that I know I could call, who would help me. But, none of them are mine. And, I want my own helper. 

Times like these are where "alone" can start to snowball, and if I'm not careful where I will go back to the thought that anyone would be better than no one, because then I wouldn't be alone. 

And, then I am reminded. I am never alone. 

Ask for help, Angie, you don't have to do this alone. 

I don't have to put air in my tire alone. 

I don't have to face difficulty alone. 

I don't have to ______ alone. 

Because even if I had my someone, they alone will never fill my feelings of sometimes being alone, they are human and can't meet that need deep in my heart. Only that one S I N G L E great love will go before me and behind me, knows all the things about me, and brings light to any dark night.  

I am reminded of this from one of my favorite chapters, Psalm 139

...You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me....

...even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

And, one of my favorite songs, Good Good Father

Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like

But I've heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night

And you tell me that you're pleased

And that I'm never alone

I just have to ask for help from the One who is waiting for me, no matter what time of day and no matter if it is a car issue or an issue hurting my heart, He is a Good Good Father and knows just what I need.  And, also what you need.  Just ask. 

For the rest of the story, thank you tire store for new set of tires in record time on a Saturday morning so I could get on the road and keep my plans! 

If you're just joining in from #write31days, I'm so glad you're here!
You can {click here} to read previous posts.

#write31days | October 4th

Are you dating anyone? 

If you're not married this is the single person's equivalent to the married circle question of "when are you going to have kids?" Just like the marrieds and kids question, being able to answer "no" and be ok with that status can be very hard for singles, especially as you age.

Media and society have led us to some generalizations by decades; twenties are for "discovering yourself" which basically means no rules apply; do whatever you want in relationships, commit, or don't; date as many people as you want; experiment; etc.. Then as you say farewell to the 20's and usher in the 30s with a cute hashtag like #flirtyandthirty, the end result is prolonging the discovering yourself decade before.

But, if you're "discovering yourself" or #flirtyandthirty, there's an easy excuse to answer the question:

Are you dating anyone? 

"Not seriously, I'm dating around."

What is around? 

Around having to commit? 

Around having to answer no to the question? 

Around when there's someone I wish would commit? 

Around to avoid ever being alone? 

And no where in the flirty or discovery is someone encouraging you to learn how to cope on your own. Instead, the message is fill any void with someone, anyone, no matter what the heartache and mess might be when it ends.

Filling a void of "alone" with unhealthy dating relationships is a terrible practice for learning to cope on your own. Know where our poor coping skills end up? Pushed off to the next person we hang out with, date, commit to, get engaged to or ultimately marry.

Being in a healthy dating relationship is great practice for learning to cope together. Unfortunately, even in the best relationships and marriages there are days when each will feel alone and each will need to use their own coping skills. So, when and how have you built those skills?

Learning to say "no" because you're learning to cope speaks strength, not weakness.

Like a workout, coping builds confidence muscles... 

in learning to be ok by yourself, for a season, or for a while longer. 

in letting go of a good relationship because it wasn't right. 

in figuring out what you really want and need in relationships. 

in healing your heart because it was really stomped on by someone. 

in knowing when you say "yes" it will be with certainty, not a mask of insecurity.
in giving a new relationship an honest try because you've dealt with any previous ones.

and, most importantly, 

in you, being you and knowing exactly who you are.

And that is worth every "no".

If you're just joining in from #write31days, catch up on previous posts {click here}.

#write31days | October 3rd

(Continuing my Monday Musings during October's #write31days)

...a few thoughts, a little scattered...

Some days I have so many words and some days it's hard to actually put words to all of my thoughts that would make sense to anyone else. This weekend was one of those times.

I've mentioned on the regular about my road show days...living like a gypsy; 30 day stints in hotels; setting up, working and tearing down expo shopping booths at rodeos and horse shows; cruising cross country with my dog; hauling a 20+' trailer; community of friends from the road.  It is really hard to put into words my heart for that year I spent on the road and what has come from it.

But, there wouldn't have been a year on the road if it weren't for circumstances of that year...a layoff, a break-up, moving out of my apartment, being S I N G L E, and saying no to other things to say yes to the road.

And going on the road turned into a year of therapy for me...to heal my heart, to find my gifts, to meet new people, to think and process, and so many other things.

Now, when I see Facebook memories from that season that started a little over 4 years ago I can look back with confidence I was right where I needed to be right when I needed to be there. Working physically harder than I ever have that also worked out so many other things deep in me.

Looking back isn't a wishful remembrance for me but a thanksgiving of how much that season changed me and what it meant to me for now the rest of my life.

I was just telling one of my road show friends, who has become a dear bestie I can't imagine never having met, how every now and then I get the craving to pack up and hit the road again. But, I'm lucky to have a network that I can take off for a weekend and fill that void and go back to being where I know I am supposed to be now.

So, these are my thoughts from a weekend working at Texas Antiques Week...

Weekend away. 

Weekend off the grid.

Weekend fully present.

The road show life is in me and a little dose does me for a while. It's the fields of stories, dreamers and doers, chasers and starry eyed....following their callings, stretching as thin as possible, leaving behind whatever held them back. So thankful for those friends, the ones who never compete, but cheer each other on, who you can sit under the open sky and catch up for a few minutes, just a couple of times a year, that dose fills me up, for a little while, until the next time....

...when the road calls again, and I know I will know that is exactly where I need to be.

If you're just joining in from #write31days, catch up on previous posts {click here}.

#write31days | October 2nd

This year I turned 40 and it seemed leading up to the day I kept seeing the number popping up in various places. I didn't post this on my actual birthday in August, but feel it gives some story and insight to this month of S I N G L E.

Never did I hesitate about turning 40. I never felt like I wished I could go back, but I also didn't do that at 25 or 30 or 35. If you've been here long or know me at all, you know I've lost 2 best friends in life, and so I value my days and am thankful for the years I have. Every year is to be celebrated and I hold that very dear, no matter if I'm S I N G L E or one day not.

Approaching 40 I feel like I am where I am supposed to be, and know more than ever before, where I want to go. Every bit of 40 years has gotten me to this point. All the ups and all the downs, all the easy and all the hard, all the happy and all the sad, all the experience, all the refining, all the disappointment, all the gains. More than I am a #girlboss of a business, I am the #girlboss of me. And I am comfortable and confident in that role. I know who I am, what I stand for, why I make choices I do and don't worry over other's opinion. That doesn't mean my feelings aren't often hurt and that I don't take into account wise counsel - both happen often, but I am confident in who I am. Even on days I dine by myself, a table for one, because I'm S I N G L E. Which, by the way is one of my favorite things to do from time to time.  

40 brought a round of tests that I hadn't done before, where you get a warm robe, and a cold machine and a few awkward seconds of you and the radiology technician. All starting and ending with a locker that reminds you, in every S I N G L E detail you're approaching 40. Those tests don't always come with a note in the mail and the normal box checked; but sometimes come with an unexpected phone call, for abnormal results, follow up tests, nerves and a few tears of uncertainty. And, you can feel very alone.

Nothing in life is free, you don't even get the free Bingo space without buying the card. Sometimes life feels like chance of numbers rolling and getting called. Is it my turn? Do I have what you want? Will I be picked? And, when you're older and S I N G L E it sometimes seems like it's never your turn. Sure, there's been people I've dated, ones I've had great times with, ones I've learned lots about myself from, ones who I knew were not a good choice and ones who have really challenged me. At the end of the day I'm free to choose who I date, and I know I'd rather be choosy than make the wrong choice out of desire to be not-S I N G L E.

The photoshopped vision of the world we are constantly exposed to would like us to believe 30 is 20 and 40 is 30 and 50 is 40 and thus we never age. As I wrapped up my 30's I was ready for 40. It was a new decade for me, not a do-over of the one I just finished. 40 is 40. I've never been ashamed of my age, and believe I only get more and more comfortable with who I am every S I N G L E year that passes by. 

Though I am 40 and S I N G L E, and bouquets aren't on the regular around here, my life is a beautiful bouquet. Of family and friends and experience and growing and loss and dreams.

And, one S I N G L E great love, Jesus. 

Who gives gifts to my life like a 40th birthday that was such a beautiful bouquet. 

Who is with me every day of every year. 

Who's love for me was bought with the greatest price. 

Who comforts me when I fear. 

Who is the ultimate boss of me. 

Who celebrates me. 

And if there is a man who takes away my S I N G L E status, 

he will always fall behind that one S I N G L E great love. 

If you're just joining in from #write31days, catch up on previous posts {click here}.

#write31days | 2016: S I N G L E

Here we are again, the calendar has flipped to October 1st. I know I'm getting older because I keep thinking how quickly the time is passing.  Just this week at work someone said "we'll look at that in October" which was met with a quick reply "this weekend is October". But, I digress.

October means the return of the #write31days challenge and I'm taking it on again.  I wonder around the middle of the month sometimes about why I did this, but it really makes me dive deep into some topics, be a little vulnerable, transparent and also learn along the way.  Just to re-cap the last couple of years you can click to these links where all the posts are linked...

2014: Stories

2015: Wait. 

(This year I will link back here for summary of posts, and like years past will continue a regular post I currently do through the month: Monday Musings on Mondays for a little variety.)

As the summer was winding down I began thinking about a topic for this year. Honestly, I feel like lots is going on right now and thought about a #31daymigration of my old blog to this one, so all posts are in one place and because lots of those posts haven't been read by lots of readers now.  But, that seemed lazy.

And, a word kept coming back to me. 

And, I would go back to #31daymigration, because it would be easier. 

And, that word would come back to me. 

And, I would think of other topics that I could write about. 

And, that word would come back around. 

S I N G L E. 

Yep, I am single. 

40 and single. 

Never been married single. 

Not currently dating anyone single. 

Super fun to write about. 

But, I kept being reminded, story matters...heck, I did 31 days of stories in 2014. I know it matters. 

And, I keep reading, so many "single" (really great, wise words) bloggers and such, and thinking does the world need one more single girl writing. 

But, I was reminded my story matters. 

I love the "I've been single forever" girls in their 20's. I've been her. 

And I just left the "30s and still single" girl behind with the turn of the calendar to my 40th. 

And, there's not a lot of people who are in my shoes writing about it. 

I don't know exactly what this month will look like,  I've jotted down a few notes, but I'm going to trust the timing on this and leave some room for the content that maybe isn't exactly what I've planned, but maybe is what I need to write. 

So, here goes.

Hope you'll continue reading, and share with someone you know that might need encouragement in the endurance of "being single". If you want a little back-story, you can {click here}, lots of this I will dig deeper into this month. 

Blessings

October 1 - S I N G L E
October 2 - 40 years old
October 3 - Monday Musings, The Road
October 4 - Are you dating anyone?
October 5 - Feeling Alone
October 6 - A "free" meal
October 7 - real me.
October 8 - You're too picky.
October 9 - single + church
October 10 - Monday Musings, Miracles
October 11 - Red Flags
October 12 - #relationshipgoals
October 13 - How are you still single?
October 14 - it is worth it.
October 15 - I don't need you
October 16 - church doesn't apply to me
October 17 - Monday Musings, I'm {not} sorry. 
October 18 - Courage 
October 19 - Self protection of disappointment
October 20 - You're so lucky
October 21 - Get away
October 22 - Delight
October 23 - Building discipline
October 24 - Monday Musings, Podcast
October 25 - Love Languages
October 26 - Advice from Marrieds
October 27 - Endurance
October 28 - Guard you heart
October 29 - Resources
October 30 - sex
October 31 - final thoughts

{Disclaimer: This month of writing is in no way, shape or form a "poor me" or shaming of all the "what's wrong with guys today", so please save those comments, they really never need to be said anyways. Instead, just a part of who I am, that I feel specifically called to share about.}