#write31days - Oct 31 - the WAIT is over

...and then it was the end of October! Time flies!

I have learned through years of waiting and questioning God that instead of always thinking "WAIT" was my "thorn in my side" it really is another chance for me to believe God. That I have to really let go and trust Him. I don't always do that well.  Much like "the one" I'm WAITing for I have to choose every single day to trust God, believe God and WAIT on his best for me. Not as a punishment, but as a hope, that my soul seeks what He has in store instead of my limited finite plans. His are unlimited and infinite for me, but I can't receive them if I'm not following in obedience to seeking Him.

Another thing I have learned about WAITing in my own life and as I have written on so many WAITs this month I have thought over and over again how hard it seems in the WAIT and then all the sudden, I am {you are} walking one foot in front of the other again, "normal" is back and the season has changed.

C.S. Lewis is a wise one. If you haven't read any of his works, I recommend them. These words ring so true, especially when in a season of WAIT.

Though it is so very hard in the season, it is like the calendar season, when you look back everything has changed. Maybe the leaves have shed and new growth awaits, or maybe the sun is shining and all is in bloom. Whichever end I find myself, I know, and I have seen over and over, the healing of time and perseverance of WAITing.

Obviously there are still things I'm WAITing on in my own life, I am certain there always will be. However, as I catch myself saying "WAIT" I'm choosing to replace it with BELIEVE.

It is time to say so long to the 2015 #write31days of WAIT, and you'll will have to WAIT and see if #write31days will return in 2016....until then I'm BELIEVING in great things ahead for the remainder of 2015 and as a new year begins in just a couple of months.

{To see all posts for 2015 #write31days WAIT click here}

#write31days - Oct 30 - WAITing on eternity

{I took a late "nap" after work, that lasted a few hours, and crossed the midnight line, but I couldn't NOT write when it's down to the last 2 days of #write31days!! It's still technically the 30th to me. That was a nap and I've been thinking about this all day.}  

This morning before work I opened my Jesus Today book to my marker and this was the reading...

As the writing everyday on WAIT comes to an end, I have thought about one of life's most significant WAITs and it is to eternity with Jesus.  He knows the days numbered for each of us, so whether young or old, eternity aWAITs for those who believe in Him. 

Today's reading also included one of my favorite verses: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I've learned as I have grown in my faith and through seasons that seem like I don't get the desires of my heart, they can't be my selfish desires, I have to be seeking God and aligning my heart with his. Easier said than done, but when I am obedient to him and believing in him, I know he desires the best for me, and I believe and WAIT resting in that truth. 

No matter what life throws our way, the various types of WAITing we do, on this earth through the WAIT I believe God - His plan and His purpose. It was a good reminder, especially for one who is a creative type, who often thinks God might need a little "help", that He is Creator of the universe and is plenty, and way more, creative than I can imagine. WAITing on Him and believing in Him is worth it. 

For now. 

And, forever.  

#write31days - Oct 29 - WAITing on the One

The one.

The elusive one.

Here's the deal, there is only One, and other than that, it's not "the one".

I have found The One, Jesus, who loves me, seeks me, cares for my heart, treasures me, adores me, wants the best for me and delights in me.

The worldly "one" might do those things too, but he will also let me down, hurt my heart, disappoint me and other things, though hopefully not intentionally, he is human, not perfect and I would also do all the same to him.

Somewhere along the way society has developed marriage as an achievement. It doesn't matter if you're "successful" at it, meaning staying married, at least you GOT married, but if you haven't I have often felt people perceive me as failed.

I haven't failed at life because I haven't gotten married.  Neither have you if you are still single.

Here's also how I know "the one" isn't really just one person: the divorce rate in America.  If it was "the one" then we would have marriages that always lasted until death do us part because you are each other's "one" and no one else would do. But, we don't.

When, or if, I find "the one" I walk down an aisle to, say vows to and commit to in covenant relationship I will still have to choose him every day. He will also have to choose me every day. Neither of us will be perfect, but every day we will choose each other. The good days. The best days. The hard days. The unknown days. The days of answers. The days of WAITing. We will choose each other.

"The one" for me is an unknown WAIT. At times I have felt like has been in total silence, other times maybe looked promising. However, I believe I have been protected and kept from a situation that wouldn't have been right. I have prayed every time, if this is meant to be, let it be. If not, take it away. And, that a few times has crushed my heart. But, I believe God and His plan for me, not my limited view of what I think is good.

Easy? No. Some of the hardest days.

I have the dearest of married friends. I watch and listen very intently to them. I have seen so many seasons of life through my married friend's relationships. By watching and listening they have taught me how to persevere, how to bring joy in a relationship, how to go forward when all seems against you, how to give and bless others, how to use talents together, so many things. If I do end up married, I want to do it well. These years with married friends who have been a part of my life are priceless. I want my husband to know men who lead marriages well, who seek The One and use His guidance in their homes with their spouses and families.

Nothing about "the one" is worth settling for, though it may be hard, I may be viewed as failing, right is always worth WAITing for. Getting married isn't a check on a to-do list. The "one" could be any number of people, but it has to be the one I will choose every day, that I can't imagine life without. Not because he completes me, he will never complete me, but together we will be a team taking on life. I want "the one" who's seeking The One and finds me in the midst.

{and the same goes for "he"}

#write31days - Oct 28 - WAITing on dreams

"If you could be or do anything, what would it be?"

I've been asked that question countless times and it's one of the hardest to answer. Depending on who's asking, the answer may vary too. If it is someone who really knows me, then they know my gifts and my heart. If it's a stranger, I'm usually less likely to really share.  Maybe I should be more open with a stranger, what if they know somebody that would open a door to one of my dreams.

But, dreams are sacred. 

And, sometimes I {you?} feel like they need to be protected, they aren't to be shared with just anyone and everyone.

But, why not?

Who would criticize a dream?  Oh, but how people do. That's what we learn from a very young age...

you'll never do that.
you can't do that.
that is too hard.
only a few people ever make it to do that.

Jennie Allen - Restless

So, dreams get tucked away and kept in secret, WAITing for an out of the blue-drop in your lap opportunity.

But, I have gifts and talents that I believe I was given to fulfill my purpose on this earth. It's the things I'm naturally good at and that I also enjoy doing. So, why wouldn't I talk about those things, especially if they align with my dreams.

Enter comparison.

Maybe I'm not as good as someone already doing that. Maybe I don't know the right people. Maybe I don't have enough money. Maybe someone would criticize me if I told them.  Maybe I look like I'm trying to self promote. Maybe _________________________________________.

For some reason, dreams stay tucked away, I will WAIT on them for a later time in life.

The age of online connectivity has given way to access and insight to just about everything which only fuels comparison. When I find myself thinking comparison thoughts of someone who might be doing what seems like "living the dream", I often will unfollow or take a break from the site. Certainly not because they aren't great at it, and not because I don't want to cheer them on.

Simply because I am in my lane (wrote about that before, click here) and they are in theirs. When I constantly compare myself, I try to put myself in their lane and run their race, but I don't belong there. I belong in my lane running my pace and the race marked for me. I also have to remind myself everyone (me and you included) puts their best images up for the world to see, we don't see outside the borders and the every day real life. That's ok, but when the filtered, perfected inside the borders snapshot becomes the goal, that is unrealistic and that I can't do.

Coming alongside is different, to build up and to encourage, we need those people. I want to be the cheerleader for others and I want them to cheer me on. I was never the fastest runner on the track and I'm also ok with that pace in life. I just have to remember I can't make their dreams mine and I can't let their "success" steal my dream.

{and also Key Men}

So, what is your dream? What is mine?

I feel like my dreams are starting to come more into focus. I told a friend I felt like "40" was going to be a big year, though it's still just under a year away. So, chasing those dreams is worth the WAIT, the years have taught me well through all kinds of seasons. I feel more confident and settled in who I am the older I get. I feel like I know what I'm good at, what I enjoy and my heart of what I'm doing.

These are my dreams, some may come true, some may not, but none are impossible and none are not worth WAITing for. Though sometimes it seems like dreams also WAIT through seasons or years of silence to ever becoming reality, I know that the same truth still applies in the WAIT for dreams just like anything else, my soul seeks God and His plan, He is who I hope in.

So one day maybe or maybe not....

A Wife. 

A Mom. 

A creator. 

A speaker. 

A writer. 

A farmhouse.

A business owner.

and, an antique typewriter.

Keep dreaming,

#write31days - Oct 27 - WAITing on answered prayers

Another one of the hardest waits is for something mostly, if not almost always, completely out of our control. WAITing for an answer to prayer. 

Maybe for self. 

Maybe for others. 

Maybe for circumstance. 

Maybe for change. 

Maybe for results. 

Maybe for healing. 

Maybe for grief. 

Maybe for help. 

Maybe for community. 

Maybe for rain. 

Most of these things I've written about this month. Whatever that thing is that you've prayed for...often times for years. And years.  Sometimes for only short periods of times. 

Sometimes it feels like the only answer is NO! 

{Insert Garth Brooks...Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers....} 

But, the one that feels like it is unanswered may really be an answer, it's just not the one WE want. It's the one we get.  Often, hard to accept, and going back to silence from yesterday (click here), begin to do our own work towards resolution which typically is only temporary. 

Others, its seems like WAIT is short, the answer is very direct and firm. For those I am always thankful. 

Always though, it is out of our control. I {you} think we have some control, maybe just bend God's ear a little with our opinion, strategy, what's best point of view, but  at the end of the day, if the soul seeks Him, believes Him, He doesn't need our insight. 

I've never heard the audible voice of God, wouldn't that be so easy. But, I have learned to seek wise counsel, to take time in decision making, that it is ok to say "no" - which in fact might be best, to look at pros and cons. All of these things considered, I can usually pinpoint what is right. 

This is exactly the thought process I look at for moving, to move or not to move (click here), trivial of sorts, not life altering one way or the other, but important to me and the space I call "home". So, in the big and the small, I go through the same process and seek wisdom from others and also from Lord. 

Don't give up on the long term ones, every once in a while you'll get a glimmer, that those prayers are being heard, an answer might be coming. So far out of any of your own doing aside from consistent petition to feet of Jesus with a request over and over and over again. 

Even still, sometimes in others, the answer is still NO. 

I'd like to say over the years I've gotten better at taking that NO, but I'm human, the things I long for, when it's a NO, it's hard to take. But, I do believe, God knows best, His answer just might not be my wish, but even still, He is still good. 

Believe in the power of prayer, don't WAIT to pray, answers are coming! 

#write31days - Oct 26 - WAITing in the silence

"We'll get back to you in a week or so" 

"I will call you." 

Oh, if I could count the times I've WAITed in the silence, it is so so many times. This WAIT is one that makes the mind come up with the worst of lies.

Unworthy. 

Unqualified. 

Undesired. 

Not liked. 

Not good enough. 

Undeserving. 

Not worth it. 

LIES.  All of it is LIES.  There is not even a smidge of truth in any of those words, or any other you have told yourself or I have told myself. No matter what kind of silence you or I WAIT through, our worth DOES NOT change based on the lack of someone else's communication.

You're qualified for the job, but a better one might be out there.
You're worthy of a promotion, but another company might come your way with an even better offer.
You're beautiful{handsome for the couple of guy readers} and worth pursuing.
You deserve truth and not excuses.

And, so do I. 

But, we're human. 

It's funny how that one response can all the sudden change our moods, and bring back our self-worth, value and confidence. Just because someone responded when we've been WAITing in silence. That worth is a lie. It is placed on someone else, not on who I am {you are} and what I was {you are} created for and to do.

Even God makes us WAIT in silence sometimes. This might be the hardest of all. Because I {you} think we can DO something that will speed it all up and work out in quicker timing. Oh, how I've tried to manipulate this.  One thing I've known, but had to re-learn over and over is what is right and meant to be WILL be. It doesn't need me to manipulate it.

I said it a few days ago, this type of WAIT has taught me to instead of seeing it as a stop, to choose to believe. That though I can't see it, details I don't know are being orchestrated. Whether they come to pass soon, or I have to WAIT {which I have done over and over and over}, it is my choice to believe God, for my soul to seek Him (remember "WAIT" defined from the beginning of the month?) instead of my own doing. If I am seeking God and believing Him, obedient to what He's called me to be, there is no room for the lies or work I do on my own.

I have also learned that God is not afraid of my questions. Read any Psalm? It is pretty much an entire book of David wrestling with God and asking questions and working out his faith. Remember Jesus on the cross? "My God my God, why has thou forsaken me?" Mark 15:34.  If God's own Son can ask THAT, he's certainly not afraid of my questions. These were the last words of Jesus. He died on the cross at the silence of God, who could have saved him. BUT, before He even when there He prayed and submitted himself, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42.

So, He knew, if there was silence, He trusted the Father's will.

When the minutes, hours, days and weeks of WAIT in silence are agonizing, I have to go back to who's will I'm seeking.  Often it is my own, with my own hope attached. Then I reset, submit and trust no matter how long the silence lasts, I know I can believe Father's will for me, because He is fighting for me, and that just might be for my trust of Him before the rest can be revealed.

#write31days - Oct 25 - WAIT, what's been going on?

(As I mentioned before, I'm taking a break from writing about "WAIT" 

on Sundays and catching up on what's been going on.)

This last week was one of those something-every-night weeks, except for Monday. That meant Monday night was get everything done necessary for the week because I wouldn't be home much in the evenings. If you've kept up with what time this week's posts went live, a couple were near 11:00pm! (In case you missed it yesterday I mentioned, that yes, I'm really writing every day on the day of post!)

If you're following Texas weather, it's still raining here, 27 or so hours straight and counting. Fortunately, it's been a slow and steady rain, so there has been minimal flooding and the Houston bayous seem to be doing their job. A good soaking rain is worth WAITing for, and hopefully will help out the drought conditions. My church made the call to cancel services last night, so this is the first Sunday in a long time I'm still in my PJs at 1pm. Our church meets in a school, so weekly our staff and set up volunteers unload and set up church, everything from band equipment to a baby nursery, so I do hope they have enjoyed a day of rest today.

The weather cooled off a bit this week and I squeezed in a couple of outside workouts, which is my favorite in the fall.  Honestly towards the end of summer this year I thought I might never jog again. I would feel so wrung out and defeated after the days I did jog and thought maybe at 39 it's time for me to hang it up and become a full time walker. Then the humidity dropped and the temps dropped a few degrees and I jogged and remembered how much I love just 3 or 4 miles and so I am not giving up on it quite yet...

Tuesday one of my sweet besties had a craft night at her house. I'm going to call it that one day this will be a business for her! She is incredibly talented, teaching is her gift and that will combine perfectly for Craft Workshops. I had a late work meeting, hour drive home and was late the party, so didn't end up crafting. But, I had an hour or so that I held a sweet 2 month old baby while his Mama did some crafting.

{Insert baby sleeping in lap and good conversation with friends pic here} 

Wednesday night I had dinner out with one of my besties and her 2 littles since her husband was out of town. I love a good chat over a meal! Quality time is my language and nights like that at a table are always a gift to me!

{Insert queso with flour tortilla chips pic here} 

Thursday was a birthday party for a friend, another night at a table and catching up with friends I don't get to see very often.

{Insert Vietnamese restaurant with country band and table of friends pic here} 

Friday night was the Inaugural Homecoming for the school where I taught. Met up with a few of my school friends (though a few were missing) for the game and it was fun to see the first Homecoming King and Queen crowned by the school's namesake himself.  I'm so grateful for that community of friends I made while teaching, they are a gift.  I definitely miss seeing them on daily basis, though I am fortunate to work with another great group of people at my new job! 

{Insert Homecoming pic here} 

Saturday I watched the Arkansas football game with a friend. I've never seen a game go into 4 OT's, but this one did and Arkansas came out on top! All in all this week was full, but it was the best kind of full, the kind that makes me remember all the people in my life, the seasons that brought them there. Many have walked through seasons of WAITing with me, I've WAITed with them and life has taught us all lessons along the way.

I didn't really take too many pictures this week. I've read a few things lately to remind me about being in the moment vs. seeing life through the lens of a device. I know pictures make a blog post more interesting for the reader, but this week I did try to really be present, phone away, thankful for the gift of time with each of these friends.